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Friday, October 14, 2011

Chivalry is Dead, but I still WIN!!!!!

   Yesterday, I changed a flat tire. If that were all that I had to tell you, it would be a pretty short tale, but there's a back story that deserves some attention. Let me back up and tell you about the events leading to the great tire changing of Thursday morning.
Saturday, nearly a week ago, my sister was visiting and we had plans to go to a local festival. We got up and showered and dressed, preparing for our day of sisterly fun. But, when we went to load ourselves into my van, we noticed that one of my rear tires was flat. Not a huge deal. I'd picked up a nail a month or so before and we'd had it plugged, so I kind of assumed that the plug just didn't hold. But, I was already showered and dressed and I didn't feel like changing a flat. So, for the sake of expediting the trip out to the festival, we decided just to take my sister's vehicle instead.
Hunny was already at the festival, because for some reason that escapes me, people feel he is a responsible and upstanding member of society, and thus he has been entrusted with the youth of the nearest small town as our local Cub Master for Cub Scouts.
Yeah, he looks totally trustworthy.  (Teenage Hunny was NOT a Scout.)

So, he was set up in a booth selling popcorn for fundraising purposes. So, I called and notified him of the flat and went on about my day. Keep in mind that this was Saturday, nearly a week ago, and I changed the flat myself yesterday, Thursday, nearly a week later.
I didn't have any pressing engagements this week, so I didn't really have to be on the road. Not to mention that I was feeling a bit under the weather, so I really didn't want to go anywhere anyway. But, mainly, I had a flat tire, and I just knew that my husband was going to take care of that for me. You know, since he's my husband and all. True, I can change a tire myself. It's also true that I didn't actually ask him to deal with it. But, I presumed that, since he's supposed to love me, and since it is a much simpler job for him, that he would, when he got the chance, change the tire for me. Which brings me to Thursday morning.
The van sat, slightly uneven, on it's 3 good tires and 1 very flat tire in the exact same spot that I had found it in Saturday morning. Hunny had already been at work for a couple of hours and I was drinking a cup of coffee on the couch while the kids did some schoolwork online. I did what I usually do when I take a coffee break. I picked up my laptop and logged into facebook and the program I use to IM with Hunny throughout the day. He had his first appointment with his endocrinologist scheduled for that morning, and although I had wanted to go, I hadn't been able to find sitting for the kids, and I still had a flat tire, so I was planning upon staying home. But, when I log into IM, my conversation with Hunny goes something like this:
Me: “Hi.”
Hunny: “Hi.”
Me: “How's your morning going?”
Hunny: “Blah.”
Me: “Yeah. Here too. Not enough coffee. Too many children. You?”
Hunny: “Pretty much.”
Me: “Ha!”
Hunny: “When are you heading out?”
Me: “Where am I headed out to?”
Hunny: “My endo appt is this morning. Remember?”
Me: “I have a flat tire.”
Hunny: “You also have a spare.”
Me: “I also have a husband who hasn't bothered to change it since SATURDAY! It's not like I'm on the side of the road, here. It's in the driveway, man.”
Hunny: “I haven't had time to fool with it.”
Me: “Have, too.”
Hunny: “When?”
Me: “Anyway, I wasn't able to get a sitter, so flat tire aside, I didn't think that you wanted me to bring 3 small, slightly obnoxious children on your doctor appointment.”
Hunny: “I didn't get the paperwork that they sent me. I wonder how important that is.”
Me: “The paperwork off of the fridge that I filled out for you a month ago?”
Hunny: “Yes.”
Me: “I guess I can see if I can get a last minute sitter and change the tire. Sigh.”
At which point I went out to change the tire. Now, let me just say, I have changed flat tires before. I don't like changing them. But, I can change them, and I have before. I think that everyone should be able to change a flat tire in the event that they need to. However, if it's not an emergency, and he's available to do it for me, I also think that my husband should do it for me, because it would only take him about half the time it takes me. It just makes sense that if you are more developmentally capable of performing a task, then you perform that task, under normal circumstances. For instance, I will probably never ask him to breastfeed. I know that, given proper drugs and stimuli, he could, but I'm obviously more equipped to do that job. Sigh.
But, since he'd backed me into a corner, I went out to change the stupid tire anyway. Except, it turned into an even bigger production than necessary. A part of the jack was stripped. I had to go find a pair of pliers to hold the jack piece so that I could get it apart. Then, the lug nuts were on really tight and I almost couldn't get them off. The tire was apparently put on with an impact wrench, so it was really on there. I had to stand and jump up and down on the handle of the wrench to get every single lug nut loose to get the wheel off. The entire process took me an hour. It would have taken my husband 20 minutes. The whole time, I'm thinking to myself that he's very lucky that I'm not terribly good at being a girl, or I might have cried in frustration and tried to cut someone with a nail file, or whatever it is that real girls have on hand that's weapon-like. All of this, plus an injury to my thumb, just to take him his paperwork. I'd have scanned it in and emailed it to him, but I still haven't learned to use the printer he bought me, and frankly changing the tire seemed like the lesser of the two evils at the time. In retrospect, I might have been a little too hasty in my decision making. However, lest you're thinking that he got off easy, keep in mind that he got the company of three small, slightly obnoxious children for his doctor visit, and I made him take us out to lunch. I also told everyone who would listen, really loudly, about how I ended up changing the tire, and about how he passed out like a total girl when he had his blood drawn. So there you go. Even when I lose, I WIN! ;-)


  1. I had four vials of blood drawn today and didn't pass out. Hunny is more of a girl than me. HA!

  2. You are far kinder than me. I'd have told him that he'll have to come home and pick up the paperwork himself. And then I'd find something else heinous to do, like not wash his laundry, until the tire is changed. (Extremely stubborn wife.)

  3. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that this crime would be repaid with a long week of passive aggressive muttering and a myriad of other punishments in my home. On the other hand, my dad made me learn to change a tire before I was able to get my license (a torture I plan on passing down to my daughter) so I too am more than capable if not entirely unwilling!